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Past News

Monday October 30th, 2006

OK, it's been awhile. I know. Lots of stuff going on, and with the holidays just around the corner with the advent of Halloween tomorrow, it doesn't look like the express train of stuff-to-do is going to let up. However, I will do my best to update the site when there's stuff to be updated.


For example: the Jury Room and Grease albums have been padded with more pictures from the MLHS archives. For that matter, we have three new albums added. I don't like to announce new albums on the main page because, quite frankly, it's not news. We all know when there's new pics, and that's really what Myspace is for. However, these are three new ones and since there's so many and two are pretty damn old, I figured people wouldn't notice. The first is Lisa's Halloween party, which is the first on the page. The last two are:

  • The first Stratford ever, cira 1996

  • Oliver! the musical, cira 1998

That's right! I found these and had enough pictures to warrant an album for each! Please enjoy! And if you weren't involved, check 'em out anyway to see those you know and love in the prime of their adolescence.


Friday October 13th, 2006

We are officially operational. The Ask Dr. Doom and Girls sections are still being fine-tuned, but everything else is a go. Horsemen is also up.


Thursday October 12th, 2006

The main site's pretty much operational, with a few provisions. Dr. Doom and Ask a Girl are down right now, going through the same maintenance the other pages are going through. Also, Horsemen and KQP are getting the face-lift they deserve, so their pages are down, too. But the main SMBFC site is up, and nearly everything from our archives is up too, with the exception of the advice columns which are not Mechanic Jay. Expect Horsemen to come first, then KQP, and then Doom and Girl will follow.


Added a big long thing in the Pwned section. Pretty cool, I think.


Wednesday October 11th, 2006

I was trying to hold out for a Flash site, which would have had swooshing menus (literally) and a glowing neon sign on the face of the Boonton Diner, but I thought about it some more and figured (like Doc Brown), what the hell? I figure if we did do a total conversion to Flash, we'd need someone who knows how to do it, and someone who'd be willing to take care of it for us, because lord knows I'm not going to be able to figure it out. Maybe someday it'll happen, but for now I hope people enjoy the new format. This is the fourth or fifth incarnation SMBFC.Net has undergone.


We're trying to ween off the Myspace site, which we've been pretty dependent on to get the word out about the site. Hope people dig it, and if you'd like to supply content, drop us a line. If you'd like to comment on the site or any of the articles you'll find here, swing by the forums and make yourself heard.


The Horsemen page and Keep Quiet Productions page are on their way, but nowhere near completion right now. So for now, you can sit there and imagine how awesome those pages are going to be. In the meantime, they both have Myspace pages, but they're condensed onto the Keep Quiet page, found at You'll get all the info you need until we make the transfer.


Wednesday August 30th, 2006

So yeah... I've waited a long time to announce this, and I'm not exactly sure why. Perhaps it's the whole "high schoolish" quality that this 'net entity seems to emit, or perhaps the fact that everyone and their sister's pet monkey have one, but officially have a Myspace account. I know, it's located at the top of the page, but there you have it. We're officially "blogging" it up, and we're "posting pics" and "bulletins" galore. Surveys should be coming out in short order.

Oh, and we hope you had a happy Judgment Day.


New Jersey Report Updated Tuesday June 27th, 2006
Jason gives us his last entry as the traveler in the Jersey Report section. Hope you enjoyed it!

Also, we're going to see Superman Returns tonight. Possible review sometime soon.

New Jersey Report Wednesday June 21st, 2006
Jason (Mechanic Jay) and Lisa have been doing a reverse-Oregon Trail style journey (except replace "Oregon" with "Washington" and "trail" with "highway") from Seattle (for all intents and purposes) back to Jersey.

He has been sending regular e-mails along the way, tracking his progress. We'll update these messages as frequently as we get them, and then I'm sure you'll get to enjoy their trip via the smbfc galleries. Have a great rest o' the trip and see you soon!

The Jersey Report & Archives Tuesday June 20th, 2006
If you noticed when we updated yesterday, the only thing that was left in the Archives, and very well the only thing that was needed in the Archives, was the Jersey Report. This is a section I think we should bring back, if only to record our ridiculous stories for posterity. However, I've noticed some things that happen to us recently and I think they might fit in quite nicely in there. Sad to say the Archives went by the wayside, but it's really unnecessary when each page has its own archives, themselves. Anyhoo, please enjoy some of the old articles, and expect some new ones coming in soon.

The Epic Movie Update & More Monday June 19th, 2006
One of the new alterations we've made is to redesign all the pages. One of the pages I didn't get to yesterday that I finally got to today is the Movie Page. I also took the liberty of updating the cast list a little bit. We also made the news archives located at the bottom of our news posts, so you can easily click and see what news you've missed.

OH! And one other thing! I discovered a lost Mechanic Jay article in my archives and archives of old stuff. So that's put up there. I'll eventually get to everything, including the Ask a Girl articles and the Jersey Reports. The latter is something I really want to revisit, since more people have more stories that involve living in Jersey. That'll come much later, though. I'm getting through it nice and slowly.
And finally, all the Ask a Girl articles and Ask Dr. Doom articles are found in the Advice section, under the Mechanic Jay section. You can be directed there (hopefully) without any trouble. Enjoy!

Some Changes Sunday June 18th, 2006

The title here really kind of says it all, I think. We're undergoing some major changes over here at For one, we're trying to make ourselves truly one of the "Jersiest Places to Be." For another, we're also updating all our old stuff, getting rid of some things, bringing back some others and truly reinvigorating the whole damn thing. At least that's the hope.
Right now, you can only access the Links, Movie, and Archives sections from the main page. I haven't changed those yet. Once they're changed, you'll be able to access them throughout the site from any page (except the galleries and forums, of course).
I'm also working on finding someone to make us a new banner. I promise it'll be in the spirit of the old one, and our old site. You can find everything pretty much where it was, but if you find a problem or a kink in the works please let me know as soon as you find it. Then I can go ahead and fix it, and we'll be that much closer to a fully-revitalized, completely working, brand-spankin' new It may take some getting used to, but all I ask is that you try it out. Thanks!
Justin & Katherine Almeida Tuesday May 30th, 2006
It's been a few days since the wedding, and we just wanted to continue to congratulate the happy couple on their marriage and new life together. This calls for some deserving honors, and for some reason they've been going out left and right recently. Now immortalized in the "Ugly SMBFC Picture Frame of Honors" are Justin and Katherine Almeida... clearly true SMBFC heroes!

Mazel Tov! It's a Wedding! Thursday May 25th, 2006
Didn't have time for a flashy silly graphic depicting Justin and Katherine on a hideous frame, as I've got to catch a mini to head upstate. But rest assured: upon my return there will be a commemoration for the two. I just want to both acknowledge and congratulate the two on their day of bliss, and wish them all the happiness and luck in the world!
News originally posted 05.15.06 - 06.18.06
Happy Graduation to Jason & Lisa Saturday May 20th, 2006
I'm happy to announce the commencement of Jason and Lisa Howe (no relation) on this auspicious day. We wish these two great people all the best luck the world can offer.

SMBFC: The Movie Cast Update Tuesday May 16th, 2006
I'm basically going to add two or three characters to the fake cast list every day or so. So if you're waiting for your turn or wondering where you are in the list, just be patient as I'm doing it as randomly as possible. If you have any suggestions, just drop us an e-mail.
Some of the characters cast already are:
Keenan.... Kiefer Sutherland
Ben........... Chris Evans
Sam...........Paul Bettany
Irene..........Uma Thurman
Jason........Dat Phan
Update Rundown Tuesday May 16th, 2006
Rundown of the updates:
1. Text in the plates are different
2. New plates
3. New sections


Jason Clements...The Man, the Myth, the Legend Monday May 15th, 2006
Jason Clements: friend, room-mate, pun-maker extroadinare. These are some of the words you may use to describe little Jason Clements, Sal's former room-mate of one year, one-time Horsemen cartoonist, and the ender of the egg-joke contest during Sal's graduation. Hailing from the American Eden (aka Hawaii), this frowy-headed Spider-Man-loving dude web-swung into our hearts, and almost just as quickly, is about to thwip his web one last time and head back to the land of surf-boards and hoola girls. While I can't say I blame him, he will be sorely missed.
Jason is graduating from Randolph-Macon College on May 27th at 10:00 a.m. Afterwards, he will pack up and move back to Hawaii to help take care of family and nurse that English degree into a steady job of grocery bagging. His Deviant Art account, where you can find his sketching talents displayed in an easily-readable fashion, can be viewed here. If you would like to wish our dear friend a hearty farewell or a congratulatory gesture, you can find him either online on AIM at netrat13, or via e-mail.
And before I conclude this mini-mini bio, I would like to say that Jason has created a character that he talked about previously submitting to Marvel Comics as a new Spider-Man-ish character, that I believe has real merit. I believe his abilities and drive are more than inspirational, and he would have one hell of a great time exercising those talents in a comic book publishing house setting. If anyone has any information that they would like to pass along to our friend Jason that might help inflate his ego just enough to make him consider sticking around to realize his dream, I strongly urge them to drop him an e-mail, with your congratulations and whathaveyou, along with your vital information. I feel I would be remiss if I did not at least try.

Just a Few Things Monday May 15th, 2006
Just gotten the sudden urge to try and step up the uploading and other assorted ricketaracketa. A few things:

1. Mechanic Jay's working on some very cool shit on a couple of fronts with regards to this site. Firstly, he's constructing a server through which the group can access music and shit. It'll be cool, I assure you. And there's a few other stuff I won't mention, only because I don't want to be like "Oh this is going to happen," and then if it doesn't, people aren't like "Hey, you said this was going to happen, and now it's been like a year and a half and it hasn't happened yet."

2. The few changes you might have noticed are that if you type in the url for (, it stays "" in the bar. The same will happen if you just type in (without the www's). Cool little stuff that most people don't take the time to notice, but is really cool nonetheless.

3. We're working on a new section, which would be totally awesome. It involves famous movies and "pwnage." That's all I can say at this point.

4. I am going to take the time to update everything on this site. We're going to alter the banner, which I'll have done by a pro artist dude that did the Horsemen Last Supper image for us not too long ago. Check the forums to contribute to what you'd like to see it change to. We also may have a massive physical overhaul on this site. The basic feel will be the same, but the whole occasional broken link and randomness may be tweaked substantially. We've been online a year now, and I'd like this next year to see some major changes here.

5. I would also like to utilize the potential of this site by really community-ing the hell out of it. The smbfc group isn't limited to those in the banner, or the few who post in the forums. It's everyone who's in that vast, vast collection of images in the Galleries. It's the people who look at those galleries and enjoy what they see. It's the people who contribute to our daily lives, like the girls at Roma's who always say "hello" when we come in. It's the barbers, whether in Denville or Warsaw, who do a thoroughly mediocre job at low cost to our hair. It's the old ladies who flip us off at traffic lights, or the old teachers and professors who might deserve a slashed tire, but instead only receive a dirty look from across the street through a telescope. It's for everyone, from us.
As such, we'll be posting other stuff here as often as it comes to me. You got an event you want to pimp? E-mail me and let me know the details and I'll post it. You got something going on and you think we'd want in on it, you e-mail me and we'll talk. If you're going on a vacation and you want people to know how long you're away, moving to a far off place, graduating from college, or whatever else, we'll be sure to post it here. And if I hear anything and I think it'd be something worth mentioning, I'll post it as well.
6. Capitalizing on the whole "community" aspect of this whole thing, I'll be doing some more personal stuff on here. Like possibly putting up blogs, or at least linking to them. A lot of us have MySpace accounts, and I'd like to try to bridge the massive interconnected social network it plugs us into with little old Not quite sure what we'll do yet, though.

So there you have it. The massive update, at least in the news, that you've probably been wondering about. Oh, and by the way, you may notice that sometimes the Quote of the Week on the forums is more like the Quote of the Month. This is because it's hard for me to remember quotable things from people each week without any influence. So if you've got a quote you'd like to submit that's somehow directly related to us, let me know and I'll post that as well.

News originally posted 11.13.05 - 04.11.06
New Link Tuesday April 11th, 2006

Recently, we discovered that Main Street in Boonton had its own web site, found here: We've added it to our links page because, let's face it, it belongs there. Also, as always, there are new pictures in the Galleries. If anybody has additional pictures they would like to submit, please contact Sal and mention it. We'll more than likely put 'em up.

Also, Horsemen is officially down. If you'd like to, enjoy for this month, because it's the last time you're going to see it. Instead, go to its MySpace account at It's also on at Enjoy!

Links and Pics Monday February 7th, 2006
The Links page has completely changed. Check it out, if you want to look at other sites that have little to nothing to do with us.

Also new pics in the Galleries.
Pics and Changes Wednesday February 1st, 2006
More pics in the galleries, plus new updates coming up. Expect to change some. As it stands, Diner Coffee's gone. Check the forums for notification on changes.

Happy New Year! Monday January 2nd, 2006
The SMBFC gang wishes everyone a happy new year! Enjoy ours!

Gallery Updates Sunday December 19th 2005
Seems's become something of a platform for our galleries. The only major thing that gets updated seems to be our pics, which may account for our lack of everything else. Not like it's a huge deal or anything, just an observation. Since we got a scanner, we've been slowly but surely expanding the galleries into the previous years. We'll see how far back it goes. So far we've got the end of the summer of '04.
We've got pictures from the holiday party at Tiffany's place, and some caps from the Diner Coffee premier. Hope you all enjoy.

Thanksgiving IV Pictures Updated...Finally! Thursday December 1st 2005

The pics from TG4 are up! Check 'em out. Two albums' worth.

Gallery Updates Sunday November 13th 2005
New pics in the galleries.

News originally posted 10.12.05 - 11.09.05
Late Updates, Diner Coffee Premier, and Gallery Updates Wednesday November 9th 2005

Sorry for not updating too frequently. I understand this is usually the first place people go to when they want to see new pictures or get to the forums or whatever, so I apologize for not keeping up with my usual duties.
Anyway, we have some new albums in the galleries. We have the whole Tim visit chronicled for your enjoyment (with reverse Star Wars references as titles, to boot!). We also have this past Halloween party all set up for you to enjoy. Lots of laughs and kickass costumes for you to comment on, or just enjoy (and make your desktop wallpaper).

Nothing much is too new at the moment. Certainly nothing of any major photographic significance since October, but TG4 is just 'round the corner, as they say. Also haven't seen any new movies, so there aren't any reviews up in the Soapbox. And things have gone relatively smoothly and without uproar, so there's very little ranting happening of late. Which probably means we're due, don't you think?
Diner Coffee, my new (and first) movie comes out on December 17th at the Darress Theatre in Boonton, starting at 7 p.m. Seating starts at 6:30. The address will be at the end of this post. Bring whoever and how many ever you want, but please send me an e-mail so I can approve your number of guests ( . We'd love to have you, but I want to have the right number of people on the list, so just let us know. To find out more, click the Diner Coffee license plate on the left, there. So that about covers it! You'll get more regular updates when we actually update stuff. See you soon!

The Darress Theatre, 615 Main Street, Boonton, NJ 07005
New Shit in the Galleries Wednesday October 12th 2005
Like the title says, we have a couple of new additions to the Galleries, and that's about it. Really boring lately, as folk are either busy or whatever they're calling "being busy" these days.

Serenity is tanking in the box office, so I advise anyone who hasn't seen it to go out and see it. Really enjoy the crap out of it. Then go see it again, and again, until you see it again and you're like "OK, I think I've seen enough." Then when the DVD comes out, you'll be like "Oh my God! The DVD! I gotta get me some of that!" and then you buy it, and then you watch it until the damn DVD wears out, and then you're like "What a spaz I am! I wore the damn DVD out! What is wrong with me?!" and then people will come over and be like "Dude, I heard you got the Serenity DVD!" and you'll be like, "Yeah, but I'm a spaz and watched it to death," and they'll be like "Oh," and make another friend, a friend with a non-damaged copy of the Serenity DVD.

Anyway, go see it. It's really bitchin'. FUCK STAR WARS!
News originally posted 07.19.05 - 09.13.05
Serenity Review & Gallery Updates Monday September 13th, 2005

Saw an advanced preview of Serenity, and Jason had a birthday this past Saturday! Exploits of said birthday can be found at the link above.

Gallery Updates Wednesday September 7th 2005
Two things of photographic importance occurred surrounding a nice portion of the SMBFC crew, and they're featured to some degree in the galleries. The first is the last minute Labor Day BBQ at Sal's house, and the other is the Serenity screening, to which a few of us managed to gain admittance. Also some updates in the Wedding Album.
New Mechanic Jay & Gallery Updates Friday August 12th, 2005

Well now! Looks like Mechanic Jay's finally back, and he's all lubed up and ready to dispense some gentlemanly love and automotive advice.

Stacey's birthday party was last night (though her actual date of birth won't be 'til Sunday), and we got some fun snaps of the event. Roma's and Chris' place. What could be better?

Gallery Updates Monday August 8th, 2005
Had a bitchin' time over at Erin and Peter's. Share in the fun in the Galleries.

War of the Worlds Review Monday August 1st, 2005
Sorry for the late review, but the Soapbox now unveils one writer's opinion about the recent summer blockbuster, War of the Worlds!

Gallery Updates Satuday July 23rd, 2005
Sam's snaps have been added to the Galleries, in the Arrival album and the Last Day album of the Virginia shore trip visit bunch. Hope you enjoy.

Soapbox Format Change - Wedding Crashers Review Tuesday July 19th, 2005

For those of you who are not familiar with the Soapbox, it's a method by which all members of the SMBFC community can thoughtfully, concisely, and grammatically boast their opinions and rants to the internet masses that frequent the site. As the original members know, we nixed the Movie Bites section because, well, we don't see movies that often. This is going to change. From now on, Soapbox and Movie Bites will be merged into the Soapbox, where movie reivews and rants will be one and the same! We hope you enjoy the new format, and the new reviews.

News originally posted 04.08.05 - 07.19.05

Brand Spankin' New Galleries Tuesday July 19th, 2005
Finally got some FrontPage action on my home computer, after a long, long lapse in SMBFC updates. Consolidation can be found in these new galleries, where you can view the actions of the SMBFC crew's every event from November of '04 to the most recent happening in Jersey this weekend.

There are currently over six pages of photo albums, so don't be fooled by the first page and its tricky navigation. Each picture can be commented on, meaning you can provide your thoughts, memories, criticism, or personal witty caption to each and every picture therein. You'll know a picture has been "commented upon" when you see a red asterisk next to it.

If you have pictures that coincide with an album therein, or feel you have appropriate pictures or would like to see certain pictures in the new galleries, be sure to contact me and let me know either a) you have pictures to submit, or b) you'd like to see an album that isn't included currently.
The old galleries will still exist in a type of limbo state, where you can see the most recently updated pictures from that time, which I believe was May 28th.
Revenge of the Sith Tuesday May 24th, 2005
Here is a poster to depict how I really felt about Episode III.

Updated Galleries Monday May 9th, 2005
We've got some new pics up on the Galleries, so if you're so inclined, keep checking them out! In order to make room, we need to remove some of the albums that are on there already. If you'd like those pictures for your own personal use (keep it clean, folks!), contact me and I'll consider sending them to you.

Another New Soapbox Wednesday April 20th, 2005

Sal's got a rant on his recent trip to an awards ceremony.
New Soapbox Friday April 8th, 2005

Sorry for the late update, Jay! And sorry to everyone who's been coming here for the forums and hoping to see some kind of update. Horsemen's been taking up a lot of my time, plus all the school crap. You know how it is. But SMBFC is still alive, baby! See you soon.

News originally posted 02.07.05 - 03.11.05

Links are Up... Sort of Friday March 11th, 2005

The Links page is sort of up. While we wait to get all the other sites back on track, I took the liberty of making the links page much more personal. That's the route we're going to go down with now. A personal one, full of... sharing.

Wasteland Tuesday February 22nd, 2005

Man, we're just full of apologies lately, huh? This one's for not updating the site for sometime, now. Horsemen's been taking up some time, as has working on Diner Coffee. The populous of SMBFC.Net has also been pretty busy, from going out of state for weeks at a time to leaving the country for months at a time. Still, people are visiting the forums like they have a bad addiction and we're the only pusher for miles, so that's good. It didn't sound good, but nonetheless, it's still encouraging.

While this has all been going on, you should stop by the forums and register! And when you're done registering, have fun posting with the ridiculous masses on the board. Also, show some love to the folks who make Horsemen. The comic's updated every Tuesday, so that means the third, newest, comic is up today! You can check it out here.
Also, since the Links page is a little busted, we took it down until we can fix it up. I just have to dedicate some time to fixing the banners and removing them for text. Yeah, it'll be much less interesting, but at least you'll get linked. For now, though, it doesn't do anything.

Also, thanks for coming to the Galleries. I get an e-mail every week or so, and people check us out all the time. It's a nice piece of news to get at the end of the week.
Forum Problems Monday February 7th, 2005

Sorry about the lag some of you may be experiencing regarding the forums. You might be getting a message that says something about the server being busy. They're fixing the problem; the server's overloaded, so you'll get blocked once in awhile. They're working to fix the problem, but we don't know when they'll be working consistently yet. Just sit tight, and the forums will eventually start working for you. I'd like to offer my personal apologies about this.
News originally posted 12.06.04 - 2.04.05

We're Back, Baby! Friday February 4th, 2005

Christmas has come and gone, the New Year came and went, and now it's February and SMBFC should be right back into the swing of things. You can expect the forums to be hopping a bit more than they did this break, at least. We'll still try to get you the same tradition of excellence that we've managed to give you this past year. That's right, folks. We missed the first anniversary of We've had some good times, and we've evolved quite a bit since then. You may notice a few changes, but I think they're for the best.

And don't forget to check out Horsemen, since the new web comic and animated short will probably be coming into your homes via the internet sometime in the next couple of weeks.

Also, the Galleries have been updated. Check out how Christmas went for those of us who got together this season.

Horsemen Moves! Tuesday December 14th, 2004
The Four Jackasses of the Apocalypse officially have their own web site now. You can find them directly at, or be linked from here at! Eventually you'll find the comic strips and the finished cartoon, whenever either of them get started or finished. In the meantime, enjoy the stuff we'll put up!
Also the news was archived. Finally.

Updates Thursday December 9th, 2004

The Diner Coffee section is updated. Sorry about not having much news and info on the main site lately. We'll have some big news regarding the status of Horsemen, our cartoon, pretty soon. Eventually the Horsemen section we have right now will eventually turn into its own site, which will be linked from the same spot it's being linked from now. Our little site's growing up so fast!

Also, thanks to all the people who have decided to join the forums. Glad to see people are joining. Post! Participate! You made a login, now go ahead and use it!
I got some of my Christmas shopping done the other day. I still have a ways to go, but it's nice to see wrapped presents on my dresser and still have some money in the bank account. Still, it feels like my debit card is lighter for some reason. How depressing. Still, Merry Christmas! See you in two weeks!

SMBFC 1K! Friday December 6th, 2004

We've passed a thousand hits on the site! That's really impressive, and actually pretty nice to think about when you consider how the hit counter was only added a couple of months ago.

Oh, and Sal got his WS_FTP abilities back for no explicable reason.
News originally posted 11.19.04 - 12.03.04

Diner Coffee Gets a Page! Friday December 3rd, 2004
I decided that Diner Coffee coming along the way it is, I should make a site dedicated to the film itself! So enjoy the Diner Coffee page for all information about this little flick, scheduled to film this January!

Thanksgiving III Pics Now Online Wednesday December 1st, 2004

Thanksgiving III was a smashing success! Thanks to everyone who came, everyone involved, and everyone who contributed! Makes you wonder how Thanksgiving IV is going to turn out. In the meantime, enjoy these stills from the actual event.

Also, it's the first day of December, which means you only have 23 more shopping days until Christmas! Or if you're Jewish, your heathenous Christian friends have a little more than three weeks to get you a present!
Happy Thanksgiving & Horsemen Update Tuesday November 23rd, 2004

SMBFC.Net would like to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving this year. So... Happy Thanksgiving.

Apologies Friday November 19th, 2004
My uploading software has been crappy lately, so I haven't been able to update anything since last Tuesday. I don't know when we'll be able to update again, being as how Randy-Mac is the crappiest college on earth when it comes to internet connecting. In the meantime, here's Irene's newest Ask a Girl column, and I have to give her major props for her work. She did research and really did an awesome job. Tell her so when you send her next question.
More updates coming soon, folks. We're taking your suggestions on the forums.

News originally posted 10.02.04 - 11.11.04
Gallery Update Thursday November 11th, 2004
Well, after a hellish day yesterday, I decided to unwind by getting some stuff done like picking up my car, balancing my checkbook, picking up my train tickets for Thanksgiving, and updating the Galleries. Now we have the beginning of the Summer of Sal, 2003. Remember? You will, after checking out these pictures.

Changes Tuesday November 9th, 2004
We're working on making the site the best it possibly can to the best of our abilities. Jason and I are working closely together to make the site work the best and suit both our visions. As you can tell, the banner is an amalgam of the old and new ones, to bring you our best pic yet. The rest of the pages will be the stuff you're used to until we can figure out a new way to do them. I tried fitting the new pages to the old style and it looked... disastrous. Therefore, we're going to do everything we can to make it work the best while still bringing you the best from Please bear with us and enjoy what we've got.
Ask Dr. Doom! & Projects Monday October 4th, 2004
It's been two weeks, and you know what that means! Doctor Doom has returned and he's graciously offered his powers of observation and insight to give us the newest installment of the revamped SMBFC's Ask Dr. Doom!
And remember! In two weeks, Mechanic Jay! Send in those questions.

Projects section updated.

Counter Sunday October 3rd, 2004

We added a counter to the site. Jazzing it up a bit, I guess.

Projects Saturday October 2nd, 2004

The Projects section is updated and archived. Also, we've added a Horsemen Gallery in the Projects to showcase all the kickass art we've got.

News originally posted 9.29.04 - 10.01.04
New Soapbox Friday October 1st, 2004

Keenan's brought us a new rant, which he may update regularly.

New Links & Expectations Thursday September 30th, 2004
We added two new friends to the Links page. If anybody can think of a better image for the Links banner, I'm all ears.

Sorry about the confusion. Dr. Doom's page should be updated on the fourth, which would be just within the two week time frame. And on the 18th, we should have Mechanic Jay!

Also, Keenan's got a rant brewing. He suggests it will be a randomly updated routine of his. We should expect it sometime today or tomorrow.

And finally, soon it will be too late for you to register to vote, so I recommend anyone who has waited this long will lose the lecture if they fill out the form, print it out, and mail it in pronto. As such, we'll be getting rid of the button pretty soon. It's kind of sad, since our button's been up for quite some time. I hope you get the most out of it, and that we helped in some way.

New Projects are up too.

Let the Whoring Begin Wednesday September 29th, 2004
After calculating the costs of Diner Coffee, the film we're shooting this January, and the continuation of Horsemen, I decided to install this little button at the bottom. Now people can make donations to the cause, whatever cause that may be. It also can help costs for upkeep of the site.
Archives have also been updated with the old news.

News originally posted 9.23.04 - 9.28.04
FAQ You! Tuesday September 28th, 2004
O.K., O.K., I know Ask Dr. Doom isn't updated yet. Just hang on. He's really busy. He'll get to it soon.
In substitution for a new Dr. Doom, enjoy our new Frequently Asked Questions section! Yeah, that's totally worth not having Doom updated on time.

Ah screw it. I'm not here to please you. Whatever.
Wedding Bells, Projects, & New Link Saturday September 25th, 2004

Congratulations to Wendy Wright and J.J. Koczan, now officially Mr. & Mrs. Koczan! Happy... getting married... day, I guess. Enjoy your entire lives together, you two. About damn time.

Projects and Links updated.
Spread the Word Saturday September 25th, 2004
I've talked to the main contributors of the site, and many of them agree that is way better than before. We're more efficient, we're updating regularly, and we look snazzier than ever. But the biggest thing we could do is try to get the word out about this place. Monday the new Ask Dr. Doom is due, and two weeks after that it's Mechanic Jay, followed two weeks later by another new Ask...A GIrl, with Irene doing a fantastic job (she received a real question less than a day after her column opened)! Let's make this thing worth wanting to update every two weeks, though! Link us in your profiles, tell your friends, register and post on the forums! I guarantee the more people who come and contribute, the better the site gets.

I also just want to thank everybody, old and newcomers, for posting on the forums. It's great to see familiar and friendly net-handles on the boards, and always a welcome sight to see new people coming into the fray. Feel welcome to post and start your own topics. It's a nice time waster, and a reason to get up and check stuff online in the morning. So keep on posting and spread the word!
Projects Section & Archives Update Friday September 24th, 2004
The Projects section got a big-ass update, and may result in a new section on the site. This may in fact be a turning point for the site, moving it into a more mainstream light, doubling as our own community and the company site. We'll need a company name, and I'm taking offers. My thinking might be just SMBFC Productions, but we'll see. It's really in the "just thinking about it" stages. We'll update you further in the realm of Horsemen in the Projects section.

Hooray... For Me! Thursday September 23rd, 2004
Remember that funny news I potentially had? I can report on it now! Thanks to a bit of "inside information" regarding a contest with a certain music store in Parsippany, I learned that if one were to draw a picture about Star Wars and submit it to them before Monday the 20th and it was selected, the artist would receive a free boxed set of the new Star Wars Trilogy DVDs! Since one prerequisite was that the artist had to come into the store and submit his or her work personally, I was met with a problem.
Fortunately for me, I have my darling sister Jenna, who through her powers of patience and e-mail, submitted a work of art that depicted a fictional female Jedi wielding two lightsabers, dubbed: "Beru Bluelighter!"

Special thanks for this great story and free DVD box go to my sister Jenna, Jason Clements (for no illegal reason what-so-ever), Kim for telling us about the contest (and a big fucking apology), and everyone who had to hear about this ridiculous crap from me, personally. And now, I leave you with the immortal piece.

Don't mess with Jedi Master Beru Bluelighter.

News originally posted 9.9.04 - 9.21.04
Go See Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow... Today! Tuesday September 21st, 2004

The movie fucking rules. Go see it. Also, there may be a funny update coming tonight or tomorrow. In the meantime, go see this movie.

First 'Ask a Girl' & Archives Update Monday September 20th, 2004

Just in time for the deadline, Irene's brought us an insightful discussion for those of the "geek" persuasion. Ringing in the first advice piece for the newly revamped, welcome first-time advisor Irene. And stay tuned in two weeks for Ask Dr. Doom!  Keep sending your questions and we'll keep answering them.

The Archives section has been updated once again, this time documenting the original Jersey Reports. Check them out in all their old glory. Remember, folks: they're all true. If they were made up, what would be the point?
"Projects" Section Added  & Links Updated Saturday September 18th, 2004

Welcome a new section to the site: Projects. Here you'll find a sort of blog regarding all the projects that concern the folks at Specifically you'll find updates regarding Sal's film Diner Coffee, set to film in Boonton, NJ this January. You'll also receive updates on Horsemen, a kick-ass cartoon series in the works from Sal Crivelli and Sam Chafin.

We also updated our links page. We're going to be getting more publicity from a legitimate business, soon. Now that's a scary thought.

Archives Update Tuesday September 14th, 2004
We updated more of the old stuff. Mechanic Jay and Doctor Doom articles can be found in the Archives.

Soapbox Update Sunday September 12th, 2004
We have a new Soapbox up and running, just in time for the beginning of the week. Real conversation; fake facts.
Changed the Whole Freakin' Site Thursday September 9th, 2004
Welcome to the brand-spankin' new!


Everything's changed, everything's fresh and new. We've got writers and graphics, ideas and all kinds of other crazy crap up the wazoo! Clearly we've condensed some pages. Ask Doctor Doom and Mechanic Jay no longer have their own separate pages, much to the chagrin of both parties. We think it'll be easier for them to have a deadline, and for people to get into the wide variety of advice we're going to be supplying from now on. Welcome Irene, our head columnist for Ask...A Girl! This is the newest advice section that has warranted our merging of columns. Expect each section to be updated every two weeks, so two weeks from today we should see Irene's column, two weeks later we'll have Doom's stuff, and then two more weeks later we'll have Mechanic Jay. And the process will repeat so on and so forth as you can imagine.

We also removed Movie Bites from the site completely. I'm sorry to do it, because it has a special place in my heart. However, we've found that Movie Bites can be best pursued through our forums, which if you click on the left you'll be able to see. Join up and jump in on the fun. We've got all kinds of sections in there, ranging from Movie Bites to Future Projects, to Chris's own Political Ramblings. Don't be a stranger. Make a community.
Don't fret! All our old sections and archived stuff will not be completely deleted. Currently I'm working on compiling all the old stuff into the new Archives.

Expect every section to have a two-week updating schedule. Once we start missing those deadlines, then you can start complaining. In the meantime, the site is running much more efficiently. We hope you enjoy the new changes, and to those newcomers, we hope you continue to visit. continues to be the Jerseiest place to be. Thanks for making it what it is.
Welcome home.


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