By: Crivelliman - 9/12/04
One day at a friend's
house, I ended up sitting at someone's computer terminal when an IM
came across the screen. It was from a sweet young girl, the screen name
of whom has been altered to protect her identity (same for the dude's
screen name). Since he was heading out to grab some colas from the
local convenience store, I took it upon myself to engage in a
completely ridiculous conversation under his name. This bit of textual
genius occurred, and now I share it with you. And remember, this
conversation actually occurred.
SuperGirl69: hey oyu
SuperGirl69: how're you
SuperGirl69: whats wrong??
FunnyGuy: oh man, let me tell you
FunnyGuy: i was on 95 this morning
FunnyGuy: and i totally hit this dude who was changing his tire
FunnyGuy: i mean i didn't kill him or anything
FunnyGuy: i just hit his foot
FunnyGuy: his shoe totally came off and everything. it was awesome
FunnyGuy: but then i kinda felt a little bad
FunnyGuy: but it went away
SuperGirl69: u HIT a persons foot..?
FunnyGuy: well, sort of
SuperGirl69: and it didnt like............die?
SuperGirl69: the foot i mean
FunnyGuy: i mean, if you look at it from a dfferent angle, their foot
hit my car
FunnyGuy: ptsh, i don't know. the shoe came off though
FunnyGuy: it was wild
FunnyGuy: i was actually laughing for a second
SuperGirl69: man i swear i could entertain people for hours simply by
re-telling everything u tell me
FunnyGuy: i'm pretty fucking awesome sometimes
FunnyGuy: there's more to the story, too
SuperGirl69: oh god u_u
FunnyGuy: i was laughing so hard i was crying, right?
SuperGirl69: please...do tell
SuperGirl69: yea yea
FunnyGuy: so this racoon totally ran out in front of my car
SuperGirl69: O_O YOU KILLED ONE OF GODS CREATIONS?!?! lol jk jk
FunnyGuy: the front tire flipped the damn thing in the air and threw it
on the windshield of the dude behind me
FunnyGuy: i think he crashed
FunnyGuy: so the police came by like, twenty minutes ago. that's why
SuperGirl69: ......what did the police say?
FunnyGuy: it's ok, the dude was fine. they're fining me for killing the
SuperGirl69: are you serious?
FunnyGuy: apparently it's illegal in that one spot on 95
FunnyGuy: like, roadkilling is a felony or something
SuperGirl69: illegal to kill a raccoon?
SuperGirl69: what if it was an accident.....
FunnyGuy: well, anything that was alive and not a person
SuperGirl69: ur lying
SuperGirl69: u have to be lying
FunnyGuy: swear to god, got the ticket right here
SuperGirl69: thats psychp
SuperGirl69: how much was the ticket?
FunnyGuy: the charge actually depends on the size of the animal
FunnyGuy: so like, a squirrel is about 45 bucks
SuperGirl69: u_u o my feckin god...
FunnyGuy: and a deer is 127
FunnyGuy: so the racoon was just an even 84
SuperGirl69: the so stupid
FunnyGuy: no points, though
FunnyGuy: so that's good
SuperGirl69: good good
FunnyGuy: i'm just pissed i miss out on 84 bucks, you know?
FunnyGuy: i could've bought some wicked porn with that kind of money
FunnyGuy: i mean, not like weird freaky porn
FunnyGuy: just, you know, the good stuff
SuperGirl69: u could have bought me a birthday present
FunnyGuy: cartoons, animal kinds of stuff
FunnyGuy: it's off the 'net, so it's not embarrassing or anything
SuperGirl69: sometimes i dont understand why i put up with you...
FunnyGuy: was it your birthday?
SuperGirl69: not til 13th
FunnyGuy: it was my brother's birthday the other day
SuperGirl69: cool ^_^
FunnyGuy: he's like 11 or something
FunnyGuy: oh wait
FunnyGuy: that's it
SuperGirl69: wait where are you?
FunnyGuy: in my bathroom
FunnyGuy: i got a laptop hooked up to the wireless
FunnyGuy: it's awesome
SuperGirl69: are u serious?
FunnyGuy: we just picked up the wireless stuff last night
FunnyGuy: i'm just trying it out
SuperGirl69: crazy person
FunnyGuy: i had to take this massive load and i thought, yo! i could
totally swing some anime fanfiction
FunnyGuy: i'm pretty crazy sometimes, but you know that
SuperGirl69: -walks away-
SuperGirl69: you seem slightly hyper.......
FunnyGuy: everybody craps
SuperGirl69: yea i know
FunnyGuy: you do
FunnyGuy: i hear
SuperGirl69: not the point u idiot
FunnyGuy: there's a point?
SuperGirl69: nevermind u_u
SuperGirl69: -aggrivated noise that i seem to make when u ..well
FunnyGuy: it's cartman if you look at it sideways
FunnyGuy: when he's really happy
SuperGirl69: i know!
SuperGirl69: ive used that face before
FunnyGuy: i think i invented it
SuperGirl69: no no u didnt
FunnyGuy: oh dude, that reminds me
FunnyGuy: i totally invented this one idea that my asshole brother
stole from me
SuperGirl69: and that is?
FunnyGuy: it's speakers you can put under water so you can listen to
music when you're swimming
SuperGirl69: thats cool
SuperGirl69: but still
SuperGirl69: it would be all muffled
FunnyGuy: i know, but it all worked out
FunnyGuy: turns out they made them already. my bro looked like a douche
SuperGirl69: so there wouldnt be a point
FunnyGuy: it was sweet
FunnyGuy: i had to drive him to the electronics store and i totally
left him there
SuperGirl69: arg..man im so tired
FunnyGuy: it was great
SuperGirl69: thats horrid
FunnyGuy: tired, huh? what'd you do, like work out or something?
SuperGirl69: walked a lot
SuperGirl69: been on the move all day
FunnyGuy: are you in trouble?
FunnyGuy: hang on, i gotta finish this butt
FunnyGuy: be back in a sec
SuperGirl69: yea yea just go
FunnyGuy: i gotta get my robe
FunnyGuy: my post-crap, smoking outside robe
FunnyGuy: oh man, those were some good butts
FunnyGuy: you know, the smoke and my own
FunnyGuy: i had to flush a couple of times
FunnyGuy: dave started complaining
FunnyGuy: what a fag
FunnyGuy: apparently i breathe really heavy when i work on the computer
and go to the bathroom
SuperGirl69: hold on a sec
FunnyGuy: what happened?
SuperGirl69: why do i put up with you?
FunnyGuy: i'm probably one of the most honest people you know
FunnyGuy: who else talks about smoking butts and using their own while
looking at stories about DBZ characters fighting skully and mulder
FunnyGuy: scully, sorry
FunnyGuy: what a great show
SuperGirl69: x_x u kill me sometimes
FunnyGuy: you know, millennium
FunnyGuy: the show the x-files dude made after x-files
FunnyGuy: with bishop from aliens
FunnyGuy: that was a wicked show
FunnyGuy: i must be boring you with the sordid details of my escapades
FunnyGuy: and by sordid, i mean awesome
SuperGirl69: "Usually when its dark it means its night. Unless the sun
blew up and no one bothered to tell me."
SuperGirl69: i think u drank somethin with too much caffine personally
FunnyGuy: caffine makes your sperm go away
FunnyGuy: oh sorry
SuperGirl69: -falls over-
FunnyGuy: i mean
FunnyGuy: my couch smells like cheetos
FunnyGuy: it's weird cause we don't have any in the house
FunnyGuy: so where the hell does it come from?
FunnyGuy: it's just this pillow
SuperGirl69: i love you huney
FunnyGuy: i love jesus
SuperGirl69: well you should
FunnyGuy: and through jesus, i guess i could love you too
FunnyGuy: that'd be cool
SuperGirl69: @_@ i give up
FunnyGuy: on what? me?
FunnyGuy: we've built so much
FunnyGuy: it's like a leaning tower of sharing
FunnyGuy: jesus rules
FunnyGuy: and by jesus, i mean boobs
SuperGirl69: im gonna share something with you...and it wont be
anything feckin pleasent
FunnyGuy: and by boobs, i mean candy
FunnyGuy: i'm at a loss for words
SuperGirl69: u? at a lose?
SuperGirl69: feckin typos!!!
SuperGirl69: -shoots them with really big gun-
FunnyGuy: i just tore some dude's foot off and flattened a racoon.
nothing you could share with me could be any less pleasant than that
FunnyGuy: you just shot typos?
FunnyGuy: what is that, like cybering but instead of sex it's killing
FunnyGuy: but instead of people it's words
FunnyGuy: and you're not really killing them, because they're still
SuperGirl69: x_x -dies-
FunnyGuy: it looks like you just killed yourself
SuperGirl69: -still dead-
FunnyGuy: you should be more careful with that sniper rifle you use for
SuperGirl69: -sings whilst being dead-
FunnyGuy: it apparently goes off a lot
FunnyGuy: so what's this unpleasant sharing thing you wanted
SuperGirl69: nothing i was being sarcastic
FunnyGuy: aw damn
FunnyGuy: here i am in all seriousness
SuperGirl69: ur feckin crazy
FunnyGuy: you spelled it wrong
SuperGirl69: no no
SuperGirl69: i meant to spell it fecking
FunnyGuy: unless you're norwegian or something?
SuperGirl69: sounds cooler to me
FunnyGuy: yeah i think it's cool
SuperGirl69: feck joo
SuperGirl69: lol joo=you
SuperGirl69: you dirty jew
FunnyGuy: there's a line
FunnyGuy: my brother's jewish
FunnyGuy: nah, i'm just kidding. but our grandparents were killed in
world war two by the nazis
FunnyGuy: they weren't jewish
FunnyGuy: or gay
FunnyGuy: they were german
FunnyGuy: they were just fucking stupid
SuperGirl69: i should come there and just.....strangle you
FunnyGuy: they walked right in front of this tank
FunnyGuy: it sucked
SuperGirl69: i bet -rolls eyes-
FunnyGuy: the germans made all kinds of videos of their weird stuff.
after the berlin wall came down they sent us the footage
SuperGirl69: -ignores you-
FunnyGuy: let me get the link from the net
SuperGirl69: no no...i shall refuse to click it
SuperGirl69: plus i g2g in a few mins
FunnyGuy: the sad tale of the chafins
FunnyGuy: oh ok, have a kick ass night when you have to go
SuperGirl69: yea..ill go home and watch anime
SuperGirl69: that will be my evening
FunnyGuy: i like anime, but only if they're big freakin robots and
FunnyGuy: with chicks inside
FunnyGuy: oh hang on, [justin] needs to talk to you
SuperGirl69: u have to be hyper..
SuperGirl69: im dying
SuperGirl69: i seriously am losing it
SuperGirl69: im lost
FunnyGuy: it's [justin] now.
SuperGirl69: i been lost forever
SuperGirl69: u_u lol who was that?
FunnyGuy: i was just at like 7-11 getting drinks for everyone. that was
a friend of mine, sal.
SuperGirl69: tell them i love them
FunnyGuy: i haven't really read any of this....hope he didn't get too
SuperGirl69: god it was crazy
FunnyGuy: he feels the same way.
SuperGirl69: hes the best...i love him
SuperGirl69: he kept me entertained
FunnyGuy: he's pretty fucking funny.
SuperGirl69: and i was like....that cant be [justin].....but is it [justin]?
SuperGirl69: he never said it wasnt you
SuperGirl69: i was so confused
SuperGirl69: how old is that bastard
FunnyGuy: like 24 or so
SuperGirl69: ask him if he'll marry me
SuperGirl69: -yawn- anyway i g2g now...
FunnyGuy: he already left.
SuperGirl69: aww he sucks
SuperGirl69: anyway....ill talk to you later